The New Moon - a week before the Summer Solstice. A significant time. A time of new beginnings. A time of change. Been feeling it coming on for a long time. Ideas brewing, but in so many ways I feel confused, like 'life' just doesn't 'make sense'.

Should it? I want it to - and yet, I also long for 'magic'.

I'm almost 51 years old and in all that time I've never done anything of any real significance. Feels like I've been 'waiting' for something. About 20 years ago, I thought that 'something' was the love of a man. While I realize that is a wonderful thing, it is also a changeable thing, too. I'm lucky enough to be in a loving relationship with a man - he'll always be a part of me in this life and the next. I'm also realizing that maybe that isn't what I've been waiting for all these years. A very happy by-product maybe. I'm finding that love changes over the years. It deepens, it strenghens and in some ways it creates distance within itself so we don't go insane.

Wish I had a trusted 'elder' to go to. They say, in the Craft, that that person is really within ourselves. We are our own 'inner child' and our own 'guru's'. Really, how can it be any other way? We come into this world and we'll go out of it alone as well. No other creature, human or not, can share our ultimate feelings or experiences. We are the only ones who can process and interpret our lives. The key is to trick ourselves into thinking that that interpretation is coming from someone 'wiser' than any of us think we really are.

That's where 'magic' comes in. The truth is there all along - we just need to see it in a way we can individually accept. My 'truth' isn't one my husband might necessarily accept - and visa-versa. It's all a matter of interpretation.

And so, we're back to the elusive 'longing' discussed earlier. Immediately, the weekend is over - my personal time of freedom is gone for another week. No time for real reflection now. Have got to realize though that the time is coming. The time for deciding what I will 'do'. What will I do to distinguish myself in my own eyes - forget others. Like I said - there are 'ideas'. but are they any good? At some point - it won't matter anymore - I'll have to do something with the ideas, whether they are good or not. Time is running out.

Missing Pittsburgh...

Watching Rick Sebak's NORTH SIDE STORIES... and missing Pittsburgh. *Sigh*
 

Angie Scott  .) 

ithinkican2@sbcglobal.net

Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.

-Oscar Wilde

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