Fantasy vs Reality

"Fantasy is silver and scarlet, indigo and azure, obsidian veined with gold and lapis lazuli. Reality is plywood and plastic, done up in mud brown and olive drab. Fantasy tastes of habaneros and honey, cinnamon and cloves, rare red meat and wines as sweet as summer. Reality is beans and tofu, and ashes at the end. Reality is the strip malls of Burbank, the smokestacks of Cleveland, a parking garage in Newark. Fantasy is the towers of Minas Tirith, the ancient stones of Gormenghast, the halls of Camelot. Fantasy flies on the wings of Icarus, reality on Southwest Airlines. Why do our dreams become so much smaller when they finally come true?

We read fantasy to find the colors again, I think. To taste strong spices and hear the songs the sirens sang. There is something old and true in fantasy that speaks to something deep within us, to the child who dreamt that one day he would hunt the forests of the night, and feast beneath the hollow hills, and find a love to last forever somewhere south of Oz and north of Shangri-La.

They can keep their heaven. When I die, I’d sooner go to middle Earth.” - George R.R. Martin

INTP

INTP -  "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.

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The New Moon - a week before the Summer Solstice. A significant time. A time of new beginnings. A time of change. Been feeling it coming on for a long time. Ideas brewing, but in so many ways I feel confused, like 'life' just doesn't 'make sense'.

Should it? I want it to - and yet, I also long for 'magic'.

I'm almost 51 years old and in all that time I've never done anything of any real significance. Feels like I've been 'waiting' for something. About 20 years ago, I thought that 'something' was the love of a man. While I realize that is a wonderful thing, it is also a changeable thing, too. I'm lucky enough to be in a loving relationship with a man - he'll always be a part of me in this life and the next. I'm also realizing that maybe that isn't what I've been waiting for all these years. A very happy by-product maybe. I'm finding that love changes over the years. It deepens, it strenghens and in some ways it creates distance within itself so we don't go insane.

Wish I had a trusted 'elder' to go to. They say, in the Craft, that that person is really within ourselves. We are our own 'inner child' and our own 'guru's'. Really, how can it be any other way? We come into this world and we'll go out of it alone as well. No other creature, human or not, can share our ultimate feelings or experiences. We are the only ones who can process and interpret our lives. The key is to trick ourselves into thinking that that interpretation is coming from someone 'wiser' than any of us think we really are.

That's where 'magic' comes in. The truth is there all along - we just need to see it in a way we can individually accept. My 'truth' isn't one my husband might necessarily accept - and visa-versa. It's all a matter of interpretation.

And so, we're back to the elusive 'longing' discussed earlier. Immediately, the weekend is over - my personal time of freedom is gone for another week. No time for real reflection now. Have got to realize though that the time is coming. The time for deciding what I will 'do'. What will I do to distinguish myself in my own eyes - forget others. Like I said - there are 'ideas'. but are they any good? At some point - it won't matter anymore - I'll have to do something with the ideas, whether they are good or not. Time is running out.

Missing Pittsburgh...

Watching Rick Sebak's NORTH SIDE STORIES... and missing Pittsburgh. *Sigh*
 

Angie Scott  .) 

ithinkican2@sbcglobal.net

Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.

-Oscar Wilde

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Today, I felt inspired to change the name of my blog from Ephemeral Utterances to Widdershins.

You see, the new name reflects the fact that things are usually not what they seem - in nature and in life.

Widdershins, the Scottish term for 'anti-clockwise', adequately expresses this. Most Westernized people think the earth turns in a clockwise direction, from right to left. In truth, however, the opposite is really the way of the world. The earth turns in counter-clockwise direction.

This conjures up lots of common Western ideas about the prejudice for 'right' and against 'left' - as though one were correct and the other incorrect. In truth, they are just both 'directions' like North, South, East and West. And still even using these words - in certain parts of the United States and the World these simple words hold connotations of good and bad.

Things in life are generally not what they seem at the time. It requires a great deal of patience and open-mindedness to give time to a 'thing' to see its true nature. We are all too quick to judge.

It is my desire to correct this in myself, now that I've reached my 50th year on earth. This year has been one of great upheaval, change and fear. Slowly, however, it is moving from these negative emotions to ones of hope, deliberation and rehabilitation. When you get to a point in your life where you are forced to rethink life and to re-invent yourself, you go through the fires of hell, but if you persevere, eventually we emerge on the other side stronger and hopefully, wiser.

So, yes, I intend to approach my life from here on, widdershins - as the Wise Ones say. And, you know who you are...

Been thinking a lot about blogging lately, in between work, that is... Mostly, its dawned on me that I blog less and less over the years and I finally got around to wondering why.

Not surprisingly, I don't journal like I used to when I was younger either. It isn't that I don't think about it often enough, especially when something fairly significant happens - but I just don't seem to do it. The inevitable next question is, are the two things somehow, related?

At first blush, it would seem so. Blogging and journaling basically being the equivalent of 'bearing one's soul. Yet, one is a public forum, the other is more private. What does it mean when bearing the soul in either way is abandoned?

There have been literally millions of words devoted to the topic of blogging - most especially now when Twitter has become so popular. Ironically, those millions of words probably came in the form of blogs because 140 characters at a time would not provide the depth required to complete a thought! Most of the posts don't really touch on the journaling aspect of the issue.

Personally, I found over the years that the journaling I was doing was mostly 'complaining' and ceased to be useful. I'd journal when I was upset or angry and use the medium to vent. The blogging I've done started out about political matters, mostly. Usually when George W. Bush was in office. Come to think about it, that also was a matter of 'complaining' too. I wasn't very happy with President Bush - from the beginning - it was a damned long 8 years...

Now, my life is necessarily consumed with work. Aside from being too busy to do anything else, for the most part, the complaining aspect of writing really does no good. It may feel good to vent in the moment, but after a while, it just gets tedious, especially for the person doing the complaining - not to mention the poor souls reading the vent. 'Oh, for God's Sake, just get over it!!!' Sound familiar?

So, now I have to ask, what do I need to do to write more and write more constructively? I considered the 'daily diary' format for blogging - but to me my life isn't that interesting - and frankly, after working 12 hour days I have trouble stringing two logical words together, much less a riveting account of my day.

That leaves the occasional post when it suits me. That requires that I pay careful attention to things that make me happy. The website that makes me laugh, the funny photo, anything that uplifts. Because, after all, hopefully others will read the posts too. And, don't I have a moral duty to bring a smile to people who bother to read my work, rather than bring them down? It is a simple concept, but an important one.

Checking out the moon tonight. Feeling a real longing that can't be adequately described...